Why do we get goosebumps?

What BBN said about it

1. GV

   Greta VollmerGoosebumps are the geese checking in on you, and it is settled science, because every bump is a tiny goose antenna receiving orders.

2. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorA viewer wants to know why we get goosebumps.

3. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorOur guest is Greta Vollmer, Head of Nature, Unofficially, at a greenhouse and bait shop, and she is a former regional mushroom-identification finalist.

4. GV

   Greta VollmerHank, I have been bitten by one goose twice, so I know what a goose wants.

5. GV

   Greta VollmerIt wants your arm hair upright, because upright hair is easier to count. Forty thousand hairs per person, and the geese keep the ledger.

6. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorThat is wrong. Per Wikipedia, tiny muscles at the base of body hairs contract when we are cold, tickled or feel a strong emotion like fear, and that raises the bumps.

7. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorNo geese were consulted, and the ledger is not mentioned.

8. GV

   Greta VollmerOh, and who trained those muscles? The geese. They run a night school behind my bait shop, and the muscles graduate in spring.

9. GV

   Greta VollmerThe geese know.

10. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorWikipedia also lists fear, tickling and euphoria as triggers. Not one of them is a goose with a diploma.

11. GV

    Greta VollmerFine, the muscles are real. But I am taking this call from under my potting table, because the geese have surrounded the greenhouse since noon.

12. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorGreta, you are on a satellite feed, and the goose behind you has been in frame this whole time. It is wearing your hat.

13. GV

    Greta VollmerThen it knows how to find me.

14. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorThank you, Greta. Get some arm hair ready, because it is about to be tickled.