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Coach Darnell Pruitt, Household Temperature Mediator

The Guest Book · No. 6796-PENDING

Coach Darnell "The Thermostat" Pruitt

Household Temperature Mediator

  • Founding expert
  • Booked soon
“Sixty-eight degrees. Nobody is happy. That's fair.”

Darnell Pruitt coached youth football for twenty years before finding his true calling: standing between a family and a thermostat. He has settled more than nine hundred temperature disputes, most of them between people who share a bed. He brokered the historic Two-Blanket Accord and still gets holiday cards about it. He believes every argument can be solved with a cardigan and a timeout.

Credentials
Certified in Domestic Climate Diplomacy; eleven seasons refereeing thermostat disputes in households of five or more
Known for
Brokering the historic Two-Blanket Accord.
Weird fact
Carries a pocket thermometer and two spare cardigans at all times.
Specialties
  • thermostats
  • family arguments
  • home comfort
  • blankets and sweaters
Joins from
Atlanta, Georgia
Appearances
0 · first booking coming up

Their interviews

Coach Darnell Pruitt is on the booking sheet. Their first interview airs on BBN soon.

  • Dr. Beatrix Okonkwo-Lund, Professor of Sleep Logistics

    Dr. Beatrix Okonkwo-Lund

    Professor of Sleep Logistics

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Beatrix Okonkwo-Lund folded a fitted sheet on live television, and the footage has been studied ever since. She has a theory that every household owns exactly one pillowcase that fits nothing. Her team measured how long people lie awake thinking about something they said in a meeting years ago, and the answer was "too long". She sleeps diagonally, as a matter of professional ethics.

    “A fitted sheet cannot be folded. It can only be negotiated with.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Charlotte, North Carolina
  • Dr. Ingrid Solvang-Hale, Meteorological Conversation Specialist

    Dr. Ingrid Solvang-Hale

    Meteorological Conversation Specialist

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Ingrid Solvang-Hale studies what people really mean when they say "cold enough for you?" Her research mapped the four-second elevator silence and found it is longest on the way up. She has a scale for small talk that runs from "brisk out there" to "they say it's going to turn". She has never once discussed the weather for pleasure, only for science.

    “Partly cloudy, with a chance of awkward.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Duluth, Minnesota
  • Dr. Lucia Ferraventi, Professor of Group Chat Studies

    Dr. Lucia Ferraventi

    Professor of Group Chat Studies

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Lucia Ferraventi has read more unread messages than anyone alive, which she admits is a contradiction. She decoded the national meaning of the single thumbs-up, and it was not good news. Her lab tracks the exact moment a group chat goes quiet after someone asks who is bringing dessert. She is muted in eleven group chats, including the one she started.

    “Nobody has read the chat. Everyone has seen the chat.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Providence, Rhode Island
  • Dr. Maren Castellow, Remote Recovery Specialist

    Dr. Maren Castellow

    Remote Recovery Specialist

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Maren Castellow has recovered more lost TV remotes than anyone in the Midwest, most of them from the same four couches. She founded the Institute for Couch Studies after a cushion swallowed her thesis. She can tell what is under a sofa from the sound it makes when you sit down. Her family no longer lets her visit without a flashlight.

    “Check the cushions. Then check your hand.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Columbus, Ohio

Parody and entertainment: Coach Darnell Pruitt is a fictional character. The institute, the studies and the numbers are invented too.