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Professor Desmond Achterberg, Professor of Applied Waiting

The Guest Book · No. 7077-PENDING

Professor Desmond Achterberg

Professor of Applied Waiting

  • Founding expert
  • Booked soon
“The line is not moving. You are.”

Desmond Achterberg has spent forty years studying the one thing everyone does and nobody enjoys: waiting. His landmark paper proved that the other line is always faster, and he wrote the sequel while standing in it. He measures hold music in "sighs per minute". He once waited so patiently that the office closed around him and he simply stayed for the next day.

Credentials
Tenured chair, Department of Lines, Lakeshore Polytechnic; has waited in every line at the region's largest licensing office, twice
Known for
Proving the other line is always faster, then standing in it.
Weird fact
Owns forty-one "now serving" number tickets. None were ever called.
Specialties
  • waiting in line
  • hold music
  • waiting rooms
  • queues and patience
Joins from
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Appearances
0 · first booking coming up

Their interviews

Professor Desmond Achterberg is on the booking sheet. Their first interview airs on BBN soon.

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Parody and entertainment: Professor Desmond Achterberg is a fictional character. The institute, the studies and the numbers are invented too.