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Professor Gus Fennimore, Head of the Department of Junk Drawers

The Guest Book · No. 2098-PENDING

Professor Gus Fennimore

Head of the Department of Junk Drawers

  • Founding expert
  • Booked soon
“Everything you need is in there. You just can't have it.”

Gus Fennimore believes every home has one drawer that holds its entire history, mostly in rubber bands. He once catalogued a single kitchen drawer in Tucson that contained two hundred and twelve rubber bands, nine dead batteries and a key nobody could explain. He has never thrown anything away, because "the moment you do, you will need it". He has a key of his own he cannot identify, and he has had it for thirty-one years.

Credentials
Curator of the Museum of Things That Might Be Useful; catalogued the national average junk drawer, item by item
Known for
Cataloguing a drawer with two hundred and twelve rubber bands and one mystery key.
Weird fact
Has a key he cannot identify. He has had it for thirty-one years.
Specialties
  • junk drawers
  • keys and batteries
  • home organisation
  • keeping things just in case
Joins from
Tucson, Arizona
Appearances
0 · first booking coming up

Their interviews

Professor Gus Fennimore is on the booking sheet. Their first interview airs on BBN soon.

  • Coach Darnell Pruitt, Household Temperature Mediator

    Coach Darnell "The Thermostat" Pruitt

    Household Temperature Mediator

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Darnell Pruitt coached youth football for twenty years before finding his true calling: standing between a family and a thermostat. He has settled more than nine hundred temperature disputes, most of them between people who share a bed. He brokered the historic Two-Blanket Accord and still gets holiday cards about it. He believes every argument can be solved with a cardigan and a timeout.

    “Sixty-eight degrees. Nobody is happy. That's fair.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Atlanta, Georgia
  • Dr. Beatrix Okonkwo-Lund, Professor of Sleep Logistics

    Dr. Beatrix Okonkwo-Lund

    Professor of Sleep Logistics

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Beatrix Okonkwo-Lund folded a fitted sheet on live television, and the footage has been studied ever since. She has a theory that every household owns exactly one pillowcase that fits nothing. Her team measured how long people lie awake thinking about something they said in a meeting years ago, and the answer was "too long". She sleeps diagonally, as a matter of professional ethics.

    “A fitted sheet cannot be folded. It can only be negotiated with.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Charlotte, North Carolina
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    Dr. Ingrid Solvang-Hale

    Meteorological Conversation Specialist

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Ingrid Solvang-Hale studies what people really mean when they say "cold enough for you?" Her research mapped the four-second elevator silence and found it is longest on the way up. She has a scale for small talk that runs from "brisk out there" to "they say it's going to turn". She has never once discussed the weather for pleasure, only for science.

    “Partly cloudy, with a chance of awkward.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Duluth, Minnesota
  • Dr. Lucia Ferraventi, Professor of Group Chat Studies

    Dr. Lucia Ferraventi

    Professor of Group Chat Studies

    • Founding expert
    • Booked soon

    Lucia Ferraventi has read more unread messages than anyone alive, which she admits is a contradiction. She decoded the national meaning of the single thumbs-up, and it was not good news. Her lab tracks the exact moment a group chat goes quiet after someone asks who is bringing dessert. She is muted in eleven group chats, including the one she started.

    “Nobody has read the chat. Everyone has seen the chat.”
    Episodes
    0
    Debut
    Not yet
    From
    Providence, Rhode Island

Parody and entertainment: Professor Gus Fennimore is a fictional character. The institute, the studies and the numbers are invented too.