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Professor Harold Brimley III, Distinguished Chair of Lawn Studies

The Guest Book · No. 2387-PENDING

Professor Harold "Hal" Brimley III

Distinguished Chair of Lawn Studies

  • Founding expert
  • Booked soon
“The grass is greener because they lie about it.”

Hal Brimley has measured his neighbours' grass with a ruler every weekend since the seventies, purely for science. He coined the phrase "lawn envy" and then trademarked nothing, because he is a gentleman. He once testified at a neighbourhood meeting that a hedge was eleven inches too confident. He mows in a diagonal pattern that, he insists, does not spell anything.

Credentials
Turfgrass ethicist; forty-four summers of comparative research across the fence
Known for
Testifying that a hedge was eleven inches too confident.
Weird fact
Owns three lawnmowers and has named all of them Gerald.
Specialties
  • lawns and gardens
  • neighbours
  • suburban life
  • weekend chores
Joins from
Boise, Idaho
Appearances
0 · first booking coming up

Their interviews

Professor Harold Brimley III is on the booking sheet. Their first interview airs on BBN soon.

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    “A fitted sheet cannot be folded. It can only be negotiated with.”
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    “Partly cloudy, with a chance of awkward.”
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    “Nobody has read the chat. Everyone has seen the chat.”
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Parody and entertainment: Professor Harold Brimley III is a fictional character. The institute, the studies and the numbers are invented too.