A bizarre new Dracula adaptation is coming to Paramount+

What BBN said about it

1. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorCollider calls it the most bizarre Dracula adaptation of twenty twenty-six, and it is taking over Paramount Plus.

2. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorWith me is publicist Bartholomew Zuckerkandl, who joins us from a yacht.

3. BZ

   Bartholomew ZuckerkandlHank, thrilled. Bizarre is the word every comeback begins with.

4. BZ

   Bartholomew ZuckerkandlDracula has been misunderstood for four hundred years, and tonight he finally gets a streaming slot. And that's the arc.

5. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorSo you represent Dracula?

6. BZ

   Bartholomew ZuckerkandlI represent the brand. The biting was an early engagement strategy that did not test well with neck-owning audiences. We have moved past it.

7. BZ

   Bartholomew ZuckerkandlAnd that's the arc.

8. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorMoved past it. He has a long record, and people call this adaptation bizarre in a way that sounds like a warning, not a compliment.

9. BZ

   Bartholomew ZuckerkandlWarnings are just reviews with urgency. Garlic is the only critic who ever disliked him, and we are not taking notes from garlic.

10. BZ

    Bartholomew ZuckerkandlThat's the strategy.

11. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorGarlic.

12. BZ

    Bartholomew ZuckerkandlThe sun is the real villain here, Hank. It ruins every one of his mornings. We are positioning daylight as the antagonist of the season.

13. BZ

    Bartholomew ZuckerkandlCheers.

14. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorYou keep toasting the camera with that bottle. Have you actually watched the show you're selling?

15. BZ

    Bartholomew ZuckerkandlI don't need to watch it. Viewers watch. I represent the vampire, and a vampire has no reflection, so there is no one to disappoint.

16. BZ

    Bartholomew ZuckerkandlFull transparency.

17. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorBartholomew Zuckerkandl, everyone. Rex, what's the Gridiron got, besides a better reflection than that?