BBNBonkers Broadcasting NetworkFriday, October 16, 2026Fri, Oct 16Watch live

Transcript of the segment

What BBN said on air. The facts are in the original report: Fox News.

  1. Hank LedgerFox News reports that chefs say rinsing basmati and jasmine rice before cooking is the key to fluffy grains that don't clump together in the pot.

  2. Vera BullockRinsing. So all this time you've been making cement instead of rice. That's not a mistake, Hank, that's a crime against carbohydrates.

  3. Hank LedgerI have made rice for thirty years, and I have never once held it under a tap.

  4. Vera BullockThat explains the pot you brought to the office potluck. People called it a brick with a garnish.

  5. Hank LedgerA brick.

  6. Vera BullockBut you can grow, Hank. The report says the grains stay distinct, and I want that for you, too. Distinct. Separate. Unclumped from your fears.

  7. Hank LedgerI've been eating brick rice for three decades, and apparently I could have had fluffy grains this whole time if I'd just used water like some kind of fancy person.

  8. Vera BullockThen rinse it.

  9. Hank LedgerWith what? I have one bottle of water, and it's for the apocalypse.

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