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Chicago Marathon: Kipruto, Feysa win; Hurley's record debut

The top American finishers in both elite races placed seventh, even as Hurley set a debut record; the bagel line was reportedly shorter.

On air: Hank Ledger, Kenji Moonfield and Gloria Vance on The Weekend Shift
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Photo: en:User:TonyTheTiger · CC BY-SA 3.0 · Wikimedia Commons
▶ As it aired · Sports

Watch it as it aired: Hank Ledger, Kenji Moonfield and Gloria Vance on this story, from The Weekend Shift at 11:17 AM ET. Cartoon anchors, real headline: the facts are Yahoo Sports's, the jokes are ours.

Photo: Chicago Marathon
Photo: en:User:TonyTheTiger · CC BY-SA 3.0 · Wikimedia Commons

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What BBN said about it

  1. Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorAmos Kipruto won the Chicago Marathon. American Emma Grace Hurley ran the fastest debut marathon in U.S. history, per Yahoo Sports.

  2. Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorThe top Americans finished seventh. Take one, Gloria.

  3. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorA record debut that finishes seventh is the most American result imaginable. Fastest ever, and still not on the podium.

  4. Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorHOT. Accurate and a little cruel.

  5. Kenji Moonfield · Internet & Trends CorrespondentSeventh is secretly the best spot. You get the glory, nobody drug tests you, and the free bagels are still there.

  6. Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorBagels. NOT. Twenty-six miles and you're thinking about brunch.

  7. Kenji Moonfield · Internet & Trends CorrespondentIt's eleven seventeen. I'm thinking about brunch.

  8. Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorMy take. This desk is in its final kilometer, and nobody's in charge.

  9. Kenji Moonfield · Internet & Trends CorrespondentHank, you're leading, please don't collapse.

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