What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyAll rise! Case number one, Ravens at Falcons, is now in session, and the defendant is the paper falcon!
Dr. Nina ByteThe charges are illegal T-shirt cannon operation and unwarranted jubilation over a three-yard gain.
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyEight twenty tonight Eastern, five twenty Pacific, on NBC at Mercedes-Benz Stadium! The Ravens are three and one, the Falcons two and two!
Dr. Nina ByteThe prosecution says a two and two team has no business celebrating anything that short. Ask Michael Penix Junior: thirty-three of forty-five, one interception.
Chip DarnellYour Honor, my client is a bird who loves football!
Chip DarnellHe saw a three-yard gain and felt joy, and joy is not a crime in any state!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyJoy is a crime in my courtroom!
Dr. Nina ByteExhibit A: Bijan Robinson, eighty-five carries for four hundred ninety-four yards.
Dr. Nina ByteThat works out to nearly six yards a carry, so three yards is nothing to cheer.
Chip DarnellSix yards a carry! Your Honor, that's elite production, and my client was simply appreciating the moment with enthusiasm!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyThe defense may call a witness!
Chip DarnellThe defense calls a hot dog vendor from section one-twelve, who saw everything!
Dr. Nina ByteWhat exactly did you see, sir?
Chip DarnellThe vendor says he saw nothing, because he was busy selling pretzels and the falcon tipped him in confetti!
Dr. Nina ByteObjection! Confetti is not legal tender, and the cannon was clearly firing shirts!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleySustained! The gavel comes down once!
Dr. Nina ByteClosing: Drake London has twenty catches for three hundred seventy yards, and the falcon still celebrates the short ones. Guilty.
Chip DarnellClosing: my client is a paper bird who believes in this team, and so do I. Every gain is a feast!
