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A backup long snapper breaks down Bears-Packers

Bears at Packers: the quarterback duel on the telestrator. The whole segment, as it aired. An NFL guest breaks down the tape. The tape wins.

On air
Chip Darnell, with Ignatius Boonmee (Former Backup Long Snapper)
Aired
on BBN Sunday Kickoff
Length
2:02
“Bold call from a man with a laminated knee! Ignatius Boonmee, everybody!”
Chip Darnell, BBN
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Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

  1. Chip DarnellBears at Packers at one o'clock on Fox, and joining us from his garage in Tulsa is Ignatius Boonmee, eleven seasons as a backup long snapper!

  2. Chip DarnellIgnatius, welcome to the telestrator!

  3. Ignatius BoonmeeThanks, Chip. I've got my pen, I've got my knee diagram, and I've got opinions the league has tried to suppress.

  4. Chip DarnellLet's start with the passers! Tyson Bagent for Chicago has thirty completions on forty-three attempts for three hundred twenty-two yards and one interception!

  5. Ignatius BoonmeeI've seen this exact look before, in a Marriott in Cleveland, by the ice machine.

  6. Ignatius BoonmeeBagent's feet are quiet, and quiet feet remind me of my left knee.

  7. Chip DarnellThe ice machine?

  8. Ignatius BoonmeeIt clanked at three in the morning, Chip, and nobody on that team would admit it.

  9. Ignatius BoonmeeSame with a quarterback who won't throw across his body. Watch the draw on the board right here.

  10. Chip DarnellAnd across the field, Jordan Love has eighty-seven completions on one hundred fifty-four attempts, one thousand forty-one yards, eight touchdowns and three picks!

  11. Ignatius BoonmeeEight touchdowns. A coach once told me I had eight touchdowns' worth of potential, and I won't say his name, but he wore visors indoors.

  12. Chip DarnellIgnatius, stay on the numbers! Love has thrown three interceptions to Bagent's one!

  13. Ignatius BoonmeeThree picks is a mood, not a trend. I'm drawing a circle here, and that circle is my knee.

  14. Chip DarnellThat's a circle around nothing.

  15. Ignatius BoonmeeEverything is nothing until the telestrator says otherwise!

  16. Ignatius BoonmeeAnd the Packers' Christian Watson has twenty catches for three hundred thirty-one yards and four touchdowns, and I've seen that look in a Waffle House parking lot in Shreveport.

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