Greenland Shark: The Slowest Franchise Legend Alive

What BBN said about it

1. 

   Rex "Two-Point" Gridley · Sports AnchorDrafted out of the deep North Atlantic, the Greenland shark, Franchise Legend, playing for the North Atlantic Slowpokes!

2. 

   Rex "Two-Point" Gridley · Sports AnchorPer Wikipedia, scientists estimate this shark lives at least two hundred seventy-two years. That is the longest known lifespan of any vertebrate.

3. 

   Brock Thunderson · Chief MeteorologistTwo hundred seventy-two years of weather! That's enough time to see the same storm twice and forget you already complained about it.

4. 

   Rex "Two-Point" Gridley · Sports AnchorAnd the number might be closer to four hundred, from radiocarbon dating of eye lenses.

5. 

   Brock Thunderson · Chief MeteorologistEye lenses? So they just stare at the sky until the drizzle stops?

6. 

   Rex "Two-Point" Gridley · Sports AnchorThey're dated for age, Brock. Nobody is staring. This shark is one of the slowest swimmers for its size.

7. 

   Brock Thunderson · Chief MeteorologistSlow and it still wins?

8. 

   Rex "Two-Point" Gridley · Sports AnchorNow the scandal: it does not reach maturity until about one hundred fifty years old. That is a very long wait for a rookie season.

9. 

   Rex "Two-Point" Gridley · Sports AnchorFor all of it, we induct this shark and hand over The Golden Snooze!

10. 

    Brock Thunderson · Chief MeteorologistIt has watched three centuries of storms roll over the top of it, and it has never once needed an umbrella.