The BBN Review: Can opener

What BBN said about it

1. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorThe can opener is a masterpiece that arrived roughly eighty years too late. I stand by this.

2. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorI think it's a love story, Dale. A small silver hero that opens a world of beans.

3. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorA world of beans. Yes. That is the first problem.

4. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorThe first act is strong. You clamp on, you turn, and the blade bites with real confidence.

5. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorBut the second act collapses.

6. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorThree quarters round, it slips, the wheel skips, and you are left with a lid hanging on by one thin hinge.

7. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorA real problem masquerading as optimism.

8. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorAnd the ending is pure betrayal. A jagged edge. A thumb that made a terrible choice.

9. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorWell, it's had a hard life. Per Wikipedia, food was kept in tin cans from at least seventeen seventy-two.

10. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorThe first can openers weren't patented until eighteen fifty-five. It was born late and apologising.

11. 

    Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorEighty-three years of hammers. A sequel nobody needed, made by people who had clearly been through something.

12. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorYou're just cross because you lost yours.

13. 

    Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorI have owned four. They all went to the same drawer. The drawer does not give them back.

14. 

    Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorOne and a half stars. One for the first turn, half for the hammer it replaced. A hammer I now miss. "Opens beans. Closes nothing."