The BBN Review: Toaster

What BBN said about it

1. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorThe toaster is a two-act tragedy with no middle, and I have never once seen the ending coming.

2. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorI think it's a warm, golden friend who believes in you every single morning.

3. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorThe dial offers one to six. In practice, there are two settings: still bread, and charcoal.

4. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorCharcoal is a bold choice.

5. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorThen the second act.

6. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorYou wander off, trusting it, and it launches the bread at your face without warning. A jump scare in a kitchen drama.

7. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorThat's not a launch, that's a little celebration.

8. 

   Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorPer Wikipedia, the automatic pop-up toaster was first patented by Charles Strite in 1921. So the scare was designed.

9. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorDesigned to bring joy! You're just afraid of being surprised.

10. 

    Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorI've learned to anticipate the launch now. I stand to the left of it, like a bomb disposal expert defusing the situation.

11. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorTo the left.

12. 

    Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorThe crumbs alone are a subplot. They gather in the bottom, plotting, and nobody ever resolves it.

13. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorCrumbs are just toast that's still growing. What's your rating, Dale?

14. 

    Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorTwo and a half stars. One for the warmth, one for the butter, and half a star for the morning it worked.

15. 

    Dale Bearman · Chief Skeptic & ContributorPoster line: a smouldering triumph. I flinched just now, by the way.