A BBN Original

Love on the Rocks

Five singles. One tiny island villa. Love, allegedly.

A reality dating show on a budget: a tiny, slightly sad island villa with a pool the size of a bathtub, a host who treats every coupling like a state funeral, and a handful of singles looking for love, fame or the free buffet. One five-episode season: the arrivals, a challenge, a twist, the recoupling and the finale at the fire pit.

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Every episode

5 episodes, a minute or so each

Episode 1Shrimp HappensHe picked his soulmate by the shrimp. The shrimp wasn't his.
Episode 2Spoon FedHer plan to ruin Rosie's love life went horribly well
Episode 3Pause for ThoughtThe host's dramatic pause outlasted the whole drama
Episode 4Palm ReadingShe got engaged in the dark. To a palm tree.
Episode 5Ballot StuffingMarty ate the finale votes. All of them.

The cast

Lance Lovejoy
the host, in a white suit
takes the show far too seriously: every announcement is a funeral speech with three dramatic pauses, he says "the villa has decided" about lunch, he cries at every coupling, he thinks the show is prestige television; secretly the warmest person on the island
Brody
personal trainer, the gym bro
sweet, earnest, literal; counts reps during emotional talks, calls feelings "the cardio of the heart", tells every girl she has "great form"; cries easily; a protein shake in hand
Rosie
wedding planner, the hopeless romantic
falls in love in under four seconds, plans the wedding by the second line, names their future children out loud, gives her rose to anyone (once to a palm tree); her heart is fine, she just shares it with everyone
Vanessa
the villain, and she knows she is on TV
always finds the camera, narrates her own edit ("this is my villain moment"), schemes out loud in the confessional, hits her mark, asks for a second take; underneath, a sweetheart who is bad at being mean
Marty
accountant from the suburbs, here for the free food
sunburnt, delighted, zero interest in romance; rates every challenge by its snacks, couples up with whoever stands nearest the buffet, the happiest man on the island; accidentally the wisest
Jade
dental hygienist, the bombshell
arrives as the twist, then ruins the drama by being reasonable, kind and emotionally healthy; resolves every conflict in one line; the villa does not know what to do with her
Deb
the producer, headset and clipboard
tired, deadpan, steering the drama from just off camera ("say that again but sadder"), runs on cold coffee; the show's budget is her problem; never seen in the final cut (she thinks)