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A BBN Original

Precinct 99½

The smallest police department in America. Zero crime. Full procedure.

Pickle Creek (population 412) has one police station, one cruiser, one jail cell and no crime. Its three-person department treats every tiny local mystery (a stolen garden gnome, a raccoon break-in, a suspicious casserole) like a major investigation: evidence bags, interrogations, stakeouts, lineups, radio codes. Every episode is one case, opened and closed.

▶ Start from Episode 1Latest: Ep 5▶ Watch BBN live

Every episode

5 episodes, a minute or so each
  1. Episode 1Gnome AloneA missing garden gnome. The biggest case in 31 years.
  2. Episode 2Goose DownSmall-town cops hunt a goose. There is no goose.
  3. Episode 3The Last BlinkPickle Creek's only traffic light stopped blinking
  4. Episode 4Button DownSomeone keeps feeding the town's only meter buttons
  5. Episode 5The Last StrawThe town scarecrow left a note. The cops are on it.

The cast

  • Chief Gordon Bixby

    chief of police for 31 years, the department's only boss and its only detective

    by-the-book to the bone; carries THE BOOK (a three-inch procedure binder) and quotes sections and subsections; deadly serious about every case; never once had a case bigger than a missing pie; secretly loves it

  • Officer Tanner Briggs

    the rookie, 23, six weeks on the force

    over-eager action-movie fan; desperate for a real car chase (the cruiser is limited to 25 mph); names every case like a blockbuster; narrates his own moves; calls for backup that does not exist; sweet, brave about the wrong things

  • Bev Dunlap

    the dispatcher, the switchboard and the town's memory, 40 years at the radio

    knows everyone's business (who is fighting, who baked what, whose cat is where) and usually knows the answer before the case is opened; only tells you if you ask exactly right; sweetly ruthless; radio codes she invented herself

  • Earl Pettibone

    the town regular, retired, lives practically in the jail cell

    confesses to everything, instantly and in loving detail, including things that did not happen and things that could not have; has his own pillow in the cell; is never actually guilty; the department's most reliable false lead

  • Mrs. Ferne Holloway

    garden club president and the town's top reporter of crimes

    files a report about everything; her garden gnome Sir Reginald goes missing a lot; dramatic, proper, treats a dented hedge like a homicide scene; brings a casserole to every crisis

  • Mayor Lou Biddle

    mayor, owner of Biddle's Bakery, and head judge of every town contest

    jolly, conflict-avoidant, wants every case closed before the newspaper (a weekly, one page) hears about it; usually the reason the case exists

Running gags to watch for

  • the DAYS WITHOUT A CRIME counter (it resets for the silliest reasons)
  • the cruiser's top speed is 25 mph
  • Earl confesses before anyone asks
  • Bev knew all along
  • the Chief cites THE BOOK by section ("Section 14, subsection C: the casserole is evidence")
  • Tanner names the case like a movie ("Operation: Gnome Alone")
  • the evidence bag is too small (or far too big) for the evidence
  • the one-person lineup

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