A Turtle, A Straw, And A Decade Of Bad Ideas

What BBN said about it

1. 

   Chip Darnell · U.S. News AnchorVery few people fear turtles, and there's an actual word for the ones who do: chelonophobia, according to a Daily Wire column.

2. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorThe column also says there's not much reason from an evolutionary perspective to be terrified of them, and I'd call that a clean bill of reputation.

3. 

   Chip Darnell · U.S. News AnchorSo nobody's scared of the turtle. I think that deserves a trophy, and I've got one right here.

4. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorThen I'm presenting it. BBN's Pet of the Day goes to the Least Alarming Animal in Any Room.

5. 

   Chip Darnell · U.S. News AnchorCareer stats: zero people chased, zero doors slammed, zero screaming at the pond.

6. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorZero chases and a shell. That's the best defensive record in the league.

7. 

   Chip Darnell · U.S. News AnchorAnd the column says only a few people are afraid. That's a critics' panel I'd take to the bank.

8. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorRated ten out of ten for being nobody's problem. I'm getting a little emotional, Chip.

9. 

   Chip Darnell · U.S. News AnchorThe turtle has declined to comment on its win, and I'd call that a full recovery of the narrative.