Blackhawks Patrick Kane sets NHL assist record for U.S.-born players

What BBN said about it

1. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorTonight's question: Patrick Kane earned his eight hundred ninety-fifth assist, the most ever by a U.S.-born player, so is an assist the greatest act in sport, or a scam?

2. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorYahoo Sports, citing the AP, says it came on Connor Bedard's power-play goal against Winnipeg Thursday. Vera defends the assist. Gloria calls it theft.

3. 

   Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorNinety seconds each, and no arguments about the Pixar trailer.

4. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorAn assist is pure generosity. Somebody else scores, somebody else gets the roar, and Patrick Kane smiles anyway.

5. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorThat is the most evolved human behavior I have ever seen on ice.

6. 

   Gloria Vance · World News AnchorI have watched men hand over a country and call it an assist. Somebody does the work, somebody else gets the credit.

7. 

   Gloria Vance · World News AnchorThat is called a press office.

8. 

   Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorHe is thirty-seven, and he still passes the puck instead of keeping it. Every group project in America needed one of him.

9. 

   Gloria Vance · World News AnchorEight hundred ninety-five times he has handed the glory to somebody else. Count me suspicious of a man that generous.

10. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorRebuttals. Vera, you have a point about group projects. Gloria, you have a point about suspicion. I am banning the word teamwork.

11. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorBanning teamwork? That is the whole argument! Fine. Kane is a giver, and givers are the reason anyone gets a birthday card at the office.

12. 

    Gloria Vance · World News AnchorGivers get an asterisk. The goal goes on the poster, the pass goes in a spreadsheet, and nobody ever buys a jersey that says helper.

13. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorSurprise evidence from the data: the assist came on the game-opening goal. Kane set the table in the first minutes.

14. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorThe very first goal! He opens the evening with a gift.

15. 

    Gloria Vance · World News AnchorOpening move. Classic. Get the credit early, then coast.

16. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorLightning round. One sentence each. Is a pass better than a goal?

17. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorYes, because a goal only needs one person's ego.

18. 

    Gloria Vance · World News AnchorNo, because a pass can be blamed on the other guy.

19. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorShould the helper get a trophy?

20. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorA trophy, a parade, and a fruit basket.

21. 

    Gloria Vance · World News AnchorA subpoena.

22. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorA subpoena?

23. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorClosing statements. Thirty seconds. Vera first.

24. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorEight hundred ninety-five times somebody else got the cheering, and he kept passing anyway. If that is not love, I have no vision left.

25. 

    Gloria Vance · World News AnchorEight hundred ninety-five favors is a ledger, not a love story. Somewhere there is a debt, and I would like to see the books.

26. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorMy verdict: the assist is real, the record is real, and the credit goes to whoever says the last word tonight.

27. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorThat is me! I always say the last word!

28. 

    Gloria Vance · World News AnchorI reject the ruling and I am appealing to the spreadsheet, the poster, and the jersey maker.

29. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorChat, vote now: is an assist a gift or a scam? Type gift or scam, and be honest.

30. 

    Vera Bullock · Co-AnchorGift. I will be checking who typed scam.

31. 

    Gloria Vance · World News AnchorScam. I will be checking who typed gift, and then I will be asking what they were given.

32. 

    Hank Ledger · Lead AnchorVera, that was the last word. Gloria, I assist you. Nobody is thanking me.