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No. 16 Michigan opens title defense at home against Oakland

Michigan is guaranteed about $90,000 for the Monday opener at Crisler Center, where it beat Oakland 121-78 last season and won 37 games overall.

On air: Gloria Vance on BBN After Hours
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▶ As it aired · U.S.

Watch it as it aired: Gloria Vance on this story, from BBN After Hours at 4:06 AM ET. Cartoon anchors, real headline: the facts are AP News's, the jokes are ours.

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What BBN said about it

  1. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorNumber sixteen Michigan opens its title defense Monday at Crisler Center against Oakland, and it is paying Oakland ninety thousand dollars for the game.

  2. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorBarnaby Szymanski, senior managing partner at Holloway Reed Strategic Advisory, joins us. Mr. Szymanski, who wins?

  3. Barnaby SzymanskiThe data suggests Michigan. I'd want a full engagement to confirm, but the data suggests the team with the trophy.

  4. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorLast season Michigan beat Oakland one hundred twenty-one to seventy-eight in the opener, and won thirty-seven games overall. What does your engagement add?

  5. Barnaby SzymanskiContext. The data suggests that a team which scored a hundred and twenty-one points can score again. That's a four-thousand-dollar sentence, by the way.

  6. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorOakland returns one of its top seven scorers from a sixteen and sixteen team. Does that change your model?

  7. Barnaby SzymanskiThe data suggests that losing six of your top seven players is a headwind. I clicked the stopwatch for that one.

  8. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorYou're timing yourself?

  9. Barnaby SzymanskiBillable seconds, yes. Twenty-three straight openers. At my rate, that's a very expensive way to say the calendar.

  10. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorOakland's only win in the series, nine and one, came in November two thousand. Should they wait for that kind of weather again?

  11. Barnaby SzymanskiThe data suggests they should wait. Possibly twenty-six years, and I can scope that for you at a discount.

  12. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorMy rating for your advice: it is correct, which I did not need you for.

  13. Gloria Vance · World News AnchorYour stopwatch has run through this entire interview, Mr. Szymanski, so your invoice now exceeds the guarantee, and Michigan will pay it before Oakland.

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The story so far

  1. Michigan man finds $1 million Powerball ticket in his wallet · Hindustan Times
  2. No. 16 Michigan opens title defense at home against Oakland (this story)
  3. US midterms: 2 days to go, and the polls disagree in Michigan · Al Jazeera
  4. Obama stumps in Michigan as House control comes down to a few races · The Hill
  5. Ocasio-Cortez, Mamdani rebuke Stevens' GOP endorsement · The New York Times
  6. Ocasio-Cortez, Mamdani rebuke Stevens's GOP endorsement in Michigan · The New York Times

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Photo: JFM Photo 73 · CC BY 4.0 · Wikimedia Commons · altered by BBN
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