Moldy Food: Consultant Charges $8,000 For 'Moving On'

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Chip DarnellNearly one in three people cut the mold off their food and eat the rest, and the experts say that may not get all the toxins.

2. 

   Chip DarnellMy guest bills four thousand dollars an hour on this. Barnaby Tolliver of Hollowell Grant Advisory, what's your advice?

3. BT

   Barnaby TolliverSpit it out. Then move on with your day. We call it the Spit Protocol, as a deliverable, it's a two-phase engagement.

4. 

   Chip DarnellThat's what the expert said, and it was in the headline.

5. BT

   Barnaby TolliverDr. Labus gave you a sentence. We give you a slide. Phase two is the moving on, billed separately.

6. 

   Chip DarnellSeparately. So what do I pay for the moving on?

7. BT

   Barnaby TolliverStrictly as a deliverable, eight thousand. Minimum. Moving on is harder than spitting, Chip, ask anyone who's tried.

8. 

   Chip DarnellEight thousand.

9. 

   Chip DarnellThe USDA says on cheddar or parmesan, cut at least one inch below the mold. Is that in your protocol?

10. BT

    Barnaby TolliverThat's our premium tier, as a deliverable, twelve thousand. One inch of cheese, fully scoped, with a laminated ruler.

11. 

    Chip DarnellFair enough. The German survey found only forty-six point nine percent knew cooking doesn't destroy mold toxins. Is that your market?

12. BT

    Barnaby TolliverThe other fifty-three percent are my pipeline. Let me hold up the slide again, because it really is a beautiful slide.

13. 

    Chip DarnellSo your firm charges four thousand an hour, the expert charged me nothing, and I'm the one who got to keep the apple.