Blue Glowing Crab Spider Found in Angola: Consultant Bills for Maybe

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Vera BullockAnyway, that hair joke has now been reviewed by the entire state of Ohio, and I stand by my delight.

2. 

   Vera BullockTonight, though, researchers in Angola have found a crab spider that glows blue under ultraviolet light.

3. 

   Vera BullockIt's the standout among more than seventy possible new species from a survey in Angola, and joining us is Tobias Strand-Vokes, who bills four thousand dollars an hour.

4. 

   Vera BullockTobias, why does it glow?

5. TS

   Tobias Strand-VokesGreat question, and on the slide, the answer is a clear maybe.

6. TS

   Tobias Strand-VokesResearchers say they don't know why yet, so we're aligned with the science, at a premium.

7. 

   Vera BullockThe scientists say it could be mating, attracting prey, or putting off predators. Is that three answers, or one answer in a trench coat?

8. TS

   Tobias Strand-VokesThree answers. On the slide it's three workstreams, and I'd quote you eleven percent on each. That number isn't on the slide.

9. 

   Vera BullockWhere did you get eleven percent?

10. TS

    Tobias Strand-VokesInternally.

11. TS

    Tobias Strand-VokesLook, the team also found a ladybird orb-weaver that copies a toxic beetle to scare off predators, and frankly that's a spider doing my whole business model for free.

12. 

    Vera BullockSo a spider that pretends to be dangerous without billing anyone is your competition, and the glowing one is just good branding with no invoice attached.

13. 

    Vera BullockSixteen scientists and a whole expedition found this, and you've read it on a slide.

14. 

    Vera BullockSixteen scientists, one plateau, and your contribution is a slide that says maybe. I'm calling that a strong deliverable.

15. TS

    Tobias Strand-VokesI'll send you a proposal. The glow stays unexplained, but the invoice will be fully itemized.