What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.
Gloria VanceMy guest is a pop singer and reality star with a debut album about his cat. Tobias Kwarteng-Lund, welcome.
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundThank you, Gloria. Lovely to be here. This phone stand has never been dropped, by the way.
Gloria VanceThe Irish DJ Jazzy released her debut album Peace and Patience on October twenty-third, after more than a billion catalogue streams in three years, her label says.
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundWonderful. Thirteen tracks, I heard. I respect anyone who gets there organically, which I did, with nearly four million.
Gloria VanceShe has said the industry now sides with virality rather than quality of music. Do you agree?
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundCompletely. Virality is vulgar. Quality is what matters, and mine has been streamed nine million times.
Gloria VanceNine million.
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundOrganically. Tell us about the project, you said. It's called Whiskers at Midnight.
Gloria VanceTell us about it.
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundEleven songs, all about my cat Biscuit leaving the room. The lead single is a seven-minute sigh. It's art.
Gloria VanceJazzy has two number one singles in Ireland and five UK Top Twenty singles, three of them Top Ten. What's your chart position?
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundCharts are a construct. I'm number one in a category I made up, on a platform I'd rather not name.
Gloria VanceI'll ask again. Did you buy your streams?
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundI bought some. Fine. A man bought forty million plays, and I was just standing next to him.
Gloria VanceForty million. Earlier you said nine.
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundOrganically nine. The rest were facilitated. I cried in the car for an hour. Biscuit watched.
Gloria VanceLightning round. One word each. Your best song?
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundBiscuit's Lament.
Gloria VanceYour worst song?
- TK
Tobias Kwarteng-LundBiscuit's Lament, Part Two. It did four hundred million, which is exactly why I hate it.
