Penguins at the Zoo Race: Judged Like Marathon Runners

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Vera BullockRunners in a race will pass right through a zoo, and WBAL-TV reports one of them asked, wait a minute, is that a penguin?

2. 

   Kenji MoonfieldThat's actually archived video, not from today's race, but check out what happens next.

3. 

   Kenji MoonfieldThree penguins in shallow water, total calm, like race officials.

4. 

   Vera BullockThey're standing in a puddle, Kenji. I'm not impressed.

5. 

   Kenji MoonfieldRoll it. Now they waddle into the deeper water, and that is pacing. That's a negative split, Vera.

6. 

   Vera BullockOh, they spread out across the pool. That's smart, nobody gets boxed in.

7. 

   Kenji MoonfieldYou're watching it.

8. 

   Vera BullockI am not. Two of them are facing opposite ways, and that's the most disciplined cooldown I've ever seen.

9. 

   Kenji MoonfieldViral Score?

10. 

    Vera BullockEight point four, because nobody in that pool checked a watch, and I respect that deeply.