PHP Flaws Take Sites Offline: Author Who Never Updates Squirms

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Gloria VanceTwo flaws in PHP, found with help from AI models, were made public Wednesday after a fix was ready, and government sites across Europe went dark anyway.

2. 

   Gloria VanceWith me is Marguerite Sallow, author of Click Later. Thanks for being here.

3. MS

   Marguerite SallowThank you, Gloria. And I predicted this, and also the opposite. I have dismissed eleven update reminders this week, and I'd say that's a position.

4. 

   Gloria VanceSo let me ask you about August eleventh, because that's when researchers at a firm called Calif, working with OpenAI, reported the first flaw.

5. 

   Gloria VanceThe fix was ready. Why were sites still exposed?

6. MS

   Marguerite SallowBecause patching is a commitment, and commitment is how you get hurt.

7. MS

   Marguerite SallowTwelve reminders now, actually, I just dismissed one, and my sticky note says remind me tomorrow.

8. 

   Gloria VanceThe Dutch cybersecurity agency took itself offline, according to Reuters. The people who warn you about the fire left the building first.

9. MS

   Marguerite SallowAnd honestly, a website nobody can reach is the most secure website there is. That's what I call a fast update.

10. 

    Gloria VanceA cybersecurity expert says PHP runs about seventy percent of websites. So your plan is to be very secure, and very alone.

11. MS

    Marguerite SallowThe NSA said take systems offline if an update isn't feasible, so I'm basically government policy. Thirteen reminders.

12. 

    Gloria VanceBut you didn't answer the question. What language does your own website run on?

13. MS

    Marguerite SallowI'll get back to you on that tomorrow.