CBS Sunday Morning: Farmer Who Never Watches Knows the Whole Show

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Gloria VanceCBS has published the lineup for this week's Sunday Morning, hosted by Jane Pauley, with the editor's note that viewers may want to know what's on.

2. 

   Gloria VanceOur guest is Walt Haverkamp, a retired dairy farmer, who joins us from his kitchen. Mr. Haverkamp, do you want to know?

3. WH

   Walt HaverkampAbsolutely not, and you can print that. I never tune in.

4. WH

   Walt HaverkampMy sister tells me about it, that's all, and she says there's a piece on a lighthouse keeper's quilts.

5. 

   Gloria VanceThe data lists no lighthouse keeper. Where is your sister getting this?

6. WH

   Walt HaverkampShe just hears things.

7. WH

   Walt HaverkampShe also says the show opens on a cloud over a mountain, and the trumpet comes in at about the second minute.

8. WH

   Walt HaverkampShe told me that Tuesday.

9. 

   Gloria VanceSunday's broadcast hasn't aired yet. That is a forecast, Mr. Haverkamp.

10. WH

    Walt HaverkampWell, the rooster knows where the remote is every Sunday, and I'm not going to say why. It's just a rooster.

11. 

    Gloria VanceSo the audience CBS is informing is a man who says he doesn't watch. Was your bag packed in case the lineup changed?

12. WH

    Walt HaverkampMa'am, my sister says it's the best part of my week, and she doesn't even own a television.

13. 

    Gloria VanceRex, I'm told you have football. Please don't tell Mr. Haverkamp's sister the score.