Secret Service Deputy Exit: Anonymous Source Is Guarding a Parking Receipt

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Kenji MoonfieldDeputy Director Matthew Quinn leaves the Secret Service on November seventh, and tonight the reaction is mostly anonymous, which brings us to a man in a parking garage.

2. 

   Kenji MoonfieldHe is a source familiar with the matter, so I have to ask what you actually know about why Quinn is leaving.

3. BO

   Barnaby OstrowskiI can neither confirm nor deny. But I can confirm this garage charges nine dollars after the first hour, and I am on level three, which I should not have said.

4. 

   Kenji MoonfieldYou just told a national audience your level.

5. 

   Kenji MoonfieldSo let me ask again, because the agency faces rising threats against the president and questions about counter-drone preparedness. What do you know about that?

6. BO

   Barnaby OstrowskiI'm unable to comment on that either way.

7. BO

   Barnaby OstrowskiBut I can confirm I am holding a document, and it is stamped with the time I entered, and I believe that makes it classified.

8. 

   Kenji MoonfieldSir, that's just a parking receipt.

9. BO

   Barnaby OstrowskiA validated parking ticket, which is the highest clearance there is.

10. BO

    Barnaby OstrowskiI can neither confirm nor deny that I learned all of this from a push alert at dinner.

11. 

    Kenji MoonfieldSo the whole inside story is that you read the same alert as everybody else, in a car.

12. BO

    Barnaby OstrowskiNeither confirm nor deny. Hold on, the gate is lifting. Please never say I was here.

13. 

    Kenji MoonfieldSir, you were on live television, on level three, for four minutes.