What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyAll rise for case number two, six, one, one, the Court of the Parking Lot! I bang this gavel exactly once!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyThe defendant, BBN's paper hound, is charged with jaywalking across the end zone and unlicensed confetti, at number six Alabama and number fourteen Tennessee!
Dr. Nina ByteYour Honor, the prosecution notes it is nothing to nothing at 10:10, so the only thing that crossed the end zone today is this charge sheet.
Kenji MoonfieldYour Honor, my client is innocent! He's a cut-paper hound, he can't even jaywalk, the wind just moved him!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyThe wind! Tennessee had fourth and goal at the Alabama twelve, and George MacIntyre's pass fell incomplete short right!
Dr. Nina ByteExhibit A. A twelve-yard drive that ended in zero points. Notably, there is no celebration in the evidence.
Kenji MoonfieldExactly! You can't charge a hound with celebrating when the only thing that hit the ground over there was a football!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyCall the surprise witness! A concession stand worker who saw the whole thing!
Kenji MoonfieldMa'am, did you see my client throw confetti? Or was that just a very sad napkin?
Dr. Nina ByteObjection! He's leading the witness, and the witness is a napkin.
Rex "Two-Point" GridleySustained! The napkin is excused!
Kenji MoonfieldClosing: the hound saw MacIntyre go four of seven for forty-seven yards, and Tennessee's offense is the one that should be on trial!
Dr. Nina ByteClosing: DeSean Bishop has three carries for eighteen yards, and the hound has more end zone contact than either team.
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyI picked Tennessee to cover and I'm sticking with it, because a stop at the twelve is just a warmup!
Dr. Nina ByteYour warmup just went incomplete on fourth down.
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyThe court finds the hound not guilty of celebrating, because there is nothing to celebrate!
