What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyAll rise! Court is in session, case number four-zero-two, the people versus the paper osprey, and the wig is still a mop!
Brock ThundersonCharge one: inciting an unauthorized wave at Lumen Field, where the nine-and-oh 49ers are four and oh and the home team is three and one!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyCharge two: foam finger tax fraud! The game starts at four twenty-five Eastern, one twenty-five Pacific on Fox!
Brock ThundersonYour Honor, this bird has been circling the stadium for weeks, and I have the radar to prove it!
Vera BullockMy client is a misunderstood osprey on a growth journey, and he only waved to be supportive!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyHe's made of paper, Vera!
Vera BullockAnd paper deserves love, Your Honor!
Brock ThundersonExhibit A: Brock Purdy has thrown eleven touchdowns and one interception this season, and the defendant was seen near every single one!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyEleven touchdowns! That is a crime scene with a quarterback!
Vera BullockObjection! Sam Darnold has six touchdowns, and nobody is charging my client for those!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyOverruled! Darnold also has three picks, and the court notes the bird had nothing to say about them!
Brock ThundersonThe prosecution calls a surprise witness, a hot dog vendor who saw the wave start in section one-twelve Eastern!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyWitness, how did the osprey start the wave?
Brock ThundersonThe vendor says, and I quote, I only sell the hot dogs, sir.
Vera BullockDefense rests! Jaxon Smith-Njigba has thirty-two receptions for four hundred eighty-one yards, and supporting the home team isn't a crime!
Brock ThundersonClosing: a foam finger earns money, and this bird pockets it. Audit the paper!
Rex "Two-Point" GridleyThe court finds the osprey guilty on both counts! Sentence: community service serving purple chili at the Vikings' tailgate!
Vera BullockYour Honor, he'll bring the mop wig!
