Jennifer Lopez and Brett Goldstein: The $4,000-an-Hour Dating Analysis

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Hank LedgerJennifer Lopez and her Office Romance co-star Brett Goldstein were spotted at an outing in Los Angeles, and Page Six reports exclusively that they dated after filming and then split.

2. 

   Hank LedgerJoining me is Marcus Dellacroix, a management consultant who bills four thousand dollars an hour. Marcus, what are we looking at?

3. MD

   Marcus DellacroixThe data suggests two people were seen together. That took me ten minutes, so I'll bill you for the full hour regardless.

4. 

   Hank LedgerIn June on the Today show, Savannah Guthrie asked her directly, and Lopez said, quote, not dating. Does that settle it?

5. MD

   Marcus DellacroixNo, and here's why. The data suggests she said not dating, present tense. Page Six says dated, past tense. Both can be true.

6. 

   Hank LedgerSo she said she wasn't dating in June, and Page Six says they dated after filming.

7. MD

   Marcus DellacroixI can't confirm the order. I can confirm the grammar, and the grammar is very strong. Hold on, my marker is nearly dry.

8. 

   Hank LedgerShe also said, quote, there's never a time when I'm seen with somebody or working with somebody where they don't try to put me with the person.

9. MD

   Marcus DellacroixThe data suggests that's a very good sentence for a person who was then seen with somebody. That's another four hundred dollars.

10. 

    Hank LedgerA source close to her told People the flirty energy with Goldstein is genuine, but she's in a great place on her own.

11. MD

    Marcus DellacroixSo, flirting, yes, dating, unclear. I recommend a framework. It has two columns, and both columns say maybe.

12. 

    Hank LedgerBefore the top of the hour, a viral video, a big cat, and a lot of confidence.

13. 

    Hank LedgerSo both of them are right, and you're charging me for the hour it took to say that.