Senator Flees Debate: Expert Was 'in the Building'... Where?

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Kenji MoonfieldJoining us is Fitzgerald Oyelaran, author of Exit Stage Left. A senator fell apart at a must-win debate, then fled. Professor, what did we see?

2. FO

   Fitzgerald OyelaranA masterpiece, Kenji. Most people see a collapse, but I see a clean, confident exit in under four seconds.

3. FO

   Fitzgerald OyelaranFor the record, I was in the building, in the green room.

4. 

   Kenji MoonfieldThe Daily Beast calls him a nepo senator who fell apart. Where's the masterpiece in that?

5. FO

   Fitzgerald OyelaranThe route. He ignored the front door, which everyone expects, and took the side corridor.

6. FO

   Fitzgerald OyelaranI have it right here on my laminated map of every exit in the country.

7. 

   Kenji MoonfieldYou carry that map around?

8. FO

   Fitzgerald OyelaranAlways. It's laminated because panic is sweaty. For the record, I was in the building, in the loading dock, when he passed.

9. 

   Kenji MoonfieldA minute ago it was the green room. Which room were you in, Professor?

10. FO

    Fitzgerald OyelaranPurely a matter of perspective. Anyway, my book predicted this, and also the opposite, where a senator stays and does great. Chapter nine.

11. 

    Kenji MoonfieldYou predicted him leaving and him staying. That's just covering both exits.

12. FO

    Fitzgerald OyelaranExactly, which is why the book is twenty-four ninety-five. For the record, I was in the building, in the van, and the van was running.

13. 

    Kenji MoonfieldThe van was running.

14. FO

    Fitzgerald OyelaranFine, I coached him. The whole debate prep was just the getaway. The answers were decoration, and the exit was the only thing we rehearsed.

15. 

    Kenji MoonfieldSo which room were you in, Professor, when you planned this?

16. FO

    Fitzgerald OyelaranThe one with the exit. Which, as of now, is this one.