What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.
Kenji MoonfieldOfficials say the U.S. is still sharing intelligence with Ukraine, but Kyiv is confused about where it stands, partly over limits on how the military version of Starlink can be used.
Kenji MoonfieldTo explain a signal someone else controls, we have Cornelius Haddad, inmate forty thousand seven hundred eighteen, calling from FCI Danbury. Cornelius, what's the confusion?
- CH
Cornelius HaddadSimple. Somebody gives you access, then decides how you use it.
- CH
Cornelius HaddadHypothetically, I sold that exact arrangement to forty households in Connecticut, and I had no satellite.
Kenji MoonfieldSo you are saying the U.S. is selling Ukraine a dish with no signal?
- CH
Cornelius HaddadNo, no. The intelligence is real, it's the rules that are foggy.
- CH
Cornelius HaddadHere, I have the rules right here. It's the lunch menu, but laminated means official.
Kenji MoonfieldThat is a menu for Tuesday.
- CH
Cornelius HaddadTuesday is meatloaf, which is a restriction in itself. Look, the U.S. lends Ukraine the car and keeps the keys.
- CH
Cornelius HaddadHypothetically, I did that with a minivan, and a dish.
Kenji MoonfieldThe minivan and the dish were the same scheme?
- CH
Cornelius HaddadHypothetically, customers got the minivan, parked in a field, with a dish zip-tied to the roof.
- CH
Cornelius HaddadThey still called every week asking why the signal was confused.
Kenji MoonfieldSo Kyiv is basically your customers, minus the minivan.
- CH
Cornelius HaddadMinus the minivan, yes. I would advise Washington to be clear about the terms, because confusion is what gets you a federal address.
Kenji MoonfieldCornelius, last question. What should the U.S. do right now?
- CH
Cornelius HaddadHypothetically, refunds. Full refunds, with a notarized letter of apology. Here, I have one. It's from my parole officer.
