Transnet's Record 7.6 km Train Carried Absolutely Nothing

Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

1. 

   Hank LedgerTransnet Freight Rail says it ran a train seven point six kilometers long over the weekend, a world record, and joining us is Deputy Minister Ferdinand Achterberg.

2. 

   Hank LedgerMinister, it was six hundred ninety-six wagons. Were they carrying anything?

3. FA

   Ferdinand AchterbergNo. Cargo only slows a record down. I blew the whistle myself, and I'd like that noted.

4. 

   Hank LedgerSo all six hundred ninety-six wagons were empty, and it ran eight hundred sixty-one kilometers from Saldanha Bay to the Northern Cape.

5. FA

   Ferdinand AchterbergOn time, nothing lost, nothing delivered. Name another ministry with that record.

6. FA

   Ferdinand AchterbergAs I always said in my first term, empty is efficient.

7. 

   Hank LedgerDid you plan this?

8. FA

   Ferdinand AchterbergExtensively. Transnet helped a little, and the Railway Safety Regulator, but the vision was mine.

9. FA

   Ferdinand AchterbergAs I always said, back when I was at school, go long.

10. 

    Hank LedgerTransnet says it had two aims, the record and learning about train design and handling. It doesn't mention you.

11. FA

    Ferdinand AchterbergThat's modesty. The old record, three hundred seventy-five wagons, was a shameful little train, and I blame whoever ran it.

12. 

    Hank LedgerThat was Transnet's record, on the same line.

13. FA

    Ferdinand AchterbergWhich is why I'm saying it was short. As I always said, since before the railway existed, a train should have ambition.

14. 

    Hank LedgerSo you hauled nothing eight hundred sixty-one kilometers, and the nothing is yours.