BBNBonkers Broadcasting NetworkWednesday, October 14, 2026Wed, Oct 14Watch live
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FIFA's Trump Tower Office: Busy Room, Staffed by a Ficus

FIFA Pays Millions for Trump Tower Office Said to Be Rarely Used. The whole segment, as it aired. Guests who wandered in, and the anchors who let them.

On air
Vera Bullock, with Bartholomew Oyelaran (Director of Space Utilization)
Aired
on BBN Tonight
Length
1:31
“Right now? Gerald is on leave, so technically, nobody. But the room is very busy with the idea of him.”
Bartholomew Oyelaran

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Transcript

What BBN said on air. Comedy, with fictional anchors.

  1. Vera BullockFIFA is reportedly paying millions of dollars for an office in Trump Tower that is rarely used.

  2. Vera BullockWith us tonight is Bartholomew Oyelaran, who runs space utilization at a federation that is not FIFA but is, let's say, adjacent.

  3. Bartholomew OyelaranThank you, Vera. Let me say up front that the room is very busy. Constantly. You would not believe the traffic in there.

  4. Vera BullockSo how many people worked in that office last week?

  5. Bartholomew OyelaranHeadcount is a limiting way to think about a room. The room is very busy with presence.

  6. Bartholomew OyelaranGerald has never once complained about the foot traffic.

  7. Vera BullockWho is Gerald?

  8. Bartholomew OyelaranGerald is a ficus, and he is the longest serving member of the team.

  9. Bartholomew OyelaranThe room is very busy, and he gets watered on Thursdays by a man from the lobby.

  10. Vera BullockSo the staff is literally just Gerald the ficus and some guy from the lobby with a watering can.

  11. Vera BullockThe New York Times says the deal shows how the leader of soccer's governing body wants closer ties to the president.

  12. Vera BullockIs that what the rent buys?

  13. Bartholomew OyelaranThe rent buys an address, and an address is a feeling. You walk past a lobby that big, and you feel taken seriously.

  14. Bartholomew OyelaranThe room is very busy, and also very quiet.

  15. Vera BullockVery busy and very quiet.

  16. Bartholomew OyelaranVera, a busy room can hold a very quiet meeting. Ours has been going since spring, and nobody has had to speak, or arrive.

  17. Vera BullockLet me ask you plainly. Who is in the office right now, at this moment, while we are talking?

  18. Bartholomew OyelaranRight now? Gerald is on leave, so technically, nobody. But the room is very busy with the idea of him.

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