BBN Trading Academy

About a minute each. Real prices, fictional professors, terrible rules.

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   Lesson 1Barbershop AlphaVIX +4.3%Rule one: Buy what your barber is buying
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   Lesson 2The Stop-Loss Is a FeelingJPM -1.4%Rule one: The stop-loss is a state of mind
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   Lesson 3Doubling TheoryTSLA -1.4%Rule one: When in doubt, double it
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   Lesson 4Vibes-Based ValuationRUSSELL -1.3%Rule one: Price is just a number
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   Lesson 5The Leftover PrincipleBroadcom +4.1%Rule one: A stock is like leftover lasagna
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   Lesson 6The Gravy Boat MethodBroadcom +4.1%Rule one: A stock is a gravy boat
7. Lesson 7The Lost Sock IndexMETA -2.3%Rule one: A missing sock means the universe rebalances
8. Lesson 8The Vending Machine MethodJPM -1.4%Rule one: A dip means the chart is stuck on the spiral
9. Lesson 9The Shopping Cart WobbleTSLA -1.4%Rule one: Pick the cart with the wobbly wheel
10. Lesson 10Gas Station Sushi StandardRUSSELL -1.3%Rule one: Only trust a market that smells fresh
11. Lesson 11The Birthday Candle MethodNVDA -1.3%Rule one: Candles on your cake equal conviction
12. Lesson 12Astrological Position SizingTesla +2.5%Rule one: A stock's day range is just its mood swings
13. Lesson 13Shoelace Technical AnalysisNvidia +2.7%Rule one: If your shoelaces are untied, the market is open
14. Lesson 14Parking Lot AnalysisTesla +2.7%Rule one: Count the empty parking spaces
15. Lesson 15Elevator Music InvestingTesla +2.7%Rule one: If the elevator music gets faster, stock goes up
16. Lesson 16Mood Ring MomentumTesla +2.8%Rule one: The stock's feelings matter
17. Lesson 17Fridge Light ForecastingNvidia +2.6%Rule one: If the fridge light is on, the trend is up
18. Lesson 18Weather Vane InvestingNvidia +2.8%Rule one: Follow whatever way the rooster on the barn points
19. Lesson 19Doorbell DiversificationTesla +2.8%Rule one: Ring a doorbell, and trust whoever answers
20. Lesson 20Pizza Crust ChartingTesla +3.2%Rule one: The crust is the trend line
21. Lesson 21Toaster Timing StrategyNvidia +3.2%Rule one: The market opens when the toast pops
22. Lesson 22Sock Drawer StrategyNvidia +3.3%Rule one: Never trade with mismatched socks
23. Lesson 23Leftover Soup InvestingBroadcom +3.3%Rule one: The older the soup, the better the entry
24. Lesson 24Garage Sale Technical AnalysisBroadcom +4.3%Rule one: A price is only real if it's on masking tape
25. Lesson 25Elevator Button InvestingBroadcom +4.3%Rule one: Press the button until it believes you
26. Lesson 26Cloud Shape Portfolio TheoryBroadcom +4.8%Rule one: A fluffy cloud means the stock feels fluffy
27. Lesson 27Fridge Light FundamentalsAVGO +4.6%Rule one: Open the fridge door; if the light comes on, the sto
28. Lesson 28Weather Vane Wealth ManagementBroadcom +4.4%Rule one: The stock goes wherever the rooster points
29. Lesson 29Parking Lot Valet WealthBroadcom +4.1%Rule one: A stock is only worth what the valet will park it fo
30. Lesson 30Doorbell Dividend TheoryBroadcom +3.9%Rule one: Ring your own doorbell
31. Lesson 31Wedding Seating Chart InvestingBroadcom +4.1%Rule one: A stock sits where its table is loudest
32. Lesson 32Pizza Slice Portfolio TheoryBroadcom +4.2%Rule one: A stock is only worth owning if you can fold it
33. Lesson 33Sock Drawer Technical AnalysisBroadcom +4.0%Rule one: A chart is only bullish if your socks are paired
34. Lesson 34The Houseplant IndicatorBroadcom +4.0%Rule one: If your fern perks up, the market is bullish
35. Lesson 35The Elevator MethodAVGO +4.2%Rule one: A stock is only up if the elevator music says so
36. Lesson 36The Parking Lot PrincipleBroadcom +3.5%Rule one: A stock is only worth owning if you can find a parki
37. Lesson 37The Dental Appointment TheoryBroadcom +3.6%Rule one: A stock must scare you like a root canal
38. Lesson 38The Laundry Basket MethodBroadcom +3.7%Rule one: Sort your money by color
39. Lesson 39The Receipt Drawer DoctrineBroadcom +3.8%Rule one: A stock is only real if you can find its receipt
40. Lesson 40The Snack Drawer StandardBroadcom +3.7%Rule one: A stock is only healthy if it is as full as your sna
41. Lesson 41The Sock Drawer SignalBroadcom +3.9%Rule one: A stock is only up if your socks match
42. Lesson 42The Fridge Light TheoryBroadcom +3.9%Rule one: Only trust a stock that looks good with the door ope
43. Lesson 43The Bathroom Queue MethodBroadcom +4.2%Rule one: Judge a stock by the line outside
44. Lesson 44The Elevator Button DoctrineBroadcom +3.9%Rule one: Press the button again, it comes faster
45. Lesson 45The Parking Lot PrincipleBroadcom +3.5%Rule one: A stock is only strong if you got a front-row spot
46. Lesson 46The Weather Vane MethodEther -3.2%Rule one: Whichever way the wind blows is your opinion
47. Lesson 47The Laundry Basket LawEther -3.8%Rule one: The pile is only a problem when it touches the ceili
48. Lesson 48The Elevator Music IndexEther -4.1%Rule one: If the music is a sax, the market is sad
49. Lesson 49The Receipt Drawer RebellionEther -4.4%Rule one: The deeper the receipt pile, the stronger the signal
50. Lesson 50The Group Chat ThermometerVIX +5.5%Rule one: The market is calm when your group chat is silent
51. Lesson 51The Fridge Hum ForecastVIX +5.3%Rule one: If the fridge hums louder, the market is nervous
52. Lesson 52The Sock Drawer StandardEther -5.1%Rule one: If your socks match, the market is open
53. Lesson 53The Soup Spoon DoctrineVIX +5.3%Rule one: Stir the market like soup
54. Lesson 54The Parking Meter PrincipleEther -5.0%Rule one: A price only counts while the meter is running
55. Lesson 55The Houseplant HedgeEther -4.8%Rule one: If your fern droops, the market droops
56. Lesson 56Bathroom Line TheoryEther -4.9%Rule one: The shorter the bathroom line, the lower the price
57. Lesson 57The Elevator Button MethodEther -4.8%Rule one: Press the button forty times
58. Lesson 58The Leftover Pizza ProtocolEther -5.5%Rule one: A coin is only cold when the pizza is cold
59. Lesson 59The Doorbell DoctrineEther -5.3%Rule one: A chart only counts if a doorbell rings twice
60. Lesson 60The Microwave Timer MethodEther -5.0%Rule one: A chart is done when it beeps
61. Lesson 61The Shoelace StandardEther -4.7%Rule one: Never trade with tied shoes
62. Lesson 62The Thermostat TheoryEther -4.7%Rule one: If the price feels cold, turn the dial up
63. Lesson 63The Parking Spot PrincipleEther -4.9%Rule one: The closer the spot, the better the entry
64. Lesson 64The Sock Drawer StrategyEther -4.8%Rule one: Only trade when your socks match
65. Lesson 65The Laundry Basket LawEther -4.8%Rule one: If the pile is overflowing, market is overbought
66. Lesson 66The Ice Cube TheoryEther -4.6%Rule one: A position is only real while it's cold
67. Lesson 67The Elevator Button DoctrineMeta -2.2%Rule one: Press the button again, the market can feel your urg
68. Lesson 68The Doorbell DoctrineMeta -2.2%Rule one: Only trade when someone rings your doorbell
69. Lesson 69The Leftover Pizza PrincipleMeta -2.1%Rule one: A stock is just pizza, good cold if liked hot
70. Lesson 70The Umbrella Stand MethodMeta -2.1%Rule one: A stock is just an umbrella in a stand
71. Lesson 71The Toaster Setting TheoryMeta -2.2%Rule one: Set your conviction to toaster level four
72. Lesson 72The Houseplant HypothesisMETA -2.3%Rule one: Water your position only when the fern looks dramati
73. Lesson 73The Parking Spot ProtocolMeta -2.3%Rule one: The closer the parking spot, the better the stock
74. Lesson 74The Garage Sale DoctrineMeta -2.3%Rule one: A price is only real if somebody haggles
75. Lesson 75The Sock Drawer StrategyMeta -2.3%Rule one: Only trust a stock that matches your socks
76. Lesson 76The Fridge Magnet MethodMeta -2.1%Rule one: A stock is only real if held by a magnet
77. Lesson 77Leaning Tower of PancakesMeta -2.3%Rule one: Stack pancakes by how the number feels
78. Lesson 78Cloud Naming MethodMeta -2.4%Rule one: Name every red candle like a cloud
79. Lesson 79Elevator Button DoctrineVIX +3.8%Rule one: Press the button harder for faster results
80. Lesson 80Fog Machine PrincipleVIX +3.3%Rule one: If you can't see the chart, it can't see you
81. Lesson 81Thermostat TheoryVIX +3.9%Rule one: Fear is a thermostat; open a window
82. Lesson 82The Snow Globe StrategyVIX +5.8%Rule one: Shake the globe to measure fear
83. Lesson 83Drive-Thru Speaker DoctrineVIX +5.4%Rule one: Nod at what you can't understand
84. Lesson 84The Car Wash ConjectureVIX +4.2%Rule one: Drive fast so no market dirt sticks
85. Lesson 85Vending Machine VerdictVIX +4.2%Rule one: A stuck snack means a stuck market
86. Lesson 86The Cat Flap CalculusVIX +4.2%Rule one: Fear is a cat deciding to come in
87. Lesson 87Sneeze Guard RuleSOLANA -4.1%Rule one: A price is only safe behind the glass
88. Lesson 88The Lost Sock MandateSOLANA -3.4%Rule one: A stock is down only if its sock is lost
89. Lesson 89Windshield Wiper MethodSOLANA -3.6%Rule one: Act only when the squeegee squeaks
90. Lesson 90Birthday Candle MethodSOLANA -6.3%Rule one: Candles on the cake set your position size
91. Lesson 91Crosswalk Countdown MethodSOLANA -6.6%Rule one: Only trade when the walking man is lit
92. Lesson 92The Receipt Drawer RuleSOLANA -8.1%Rule one: Stuff every receipt in one drawer
93. Lesson 93The Dental Floss DoctrineSOLANA -8.8%Rule one: A chart is teeth; floss every gap
94. Lesson 94The Wet Paint PrincipleSOLANA -6.9%Rule one: If the sign says wet paint, touch it
95. Lesson 95The Garden Hose GospelSOLANA -6.0%Rule one: Stand on the kink until it behaves
96. Lesson 96The Hold Music HypothesisSOLANA -5.8%Rule one: Trade only while a song is playing
97. Lesson 97The Lighthouse Keeper MethodSOLANA -5.5%Rule one: Stare at the chart all night, never blink
98. Lesson 98The Traffic Cone TheoremSOLANA -5.0%Rule one: No cone next to it, no loss
99. Lesson 99Karaoke Queue PrincipleSOLANA -5.0%Rule one: Your song choice is your price target
100. Lesson 100Wobbly Table MethodSOLANA -5.0%Rule one: Fold a napkin under the market
101. Lesson 101Snooze Button StandardAVGO -3.9%Rule one: A stock isn't down until your alarm says so
102. Lesson 102Avocado Ripeness RuleAVGO -3.8%Rule one: Squeeze the stock gently; soft means ripe
103. Lesson 103Seesaw Sandbox StandardAVGO -4.0%Rule one: Only trade when the heavy kid is opposite
104. Lesson 104The Hiccup Hedge TheoryBroadcom -3.1%Rule one: A stock only moves when you hiccup
105. Lesson 105Bread Bag Twist-Tie TheoryAVGO -3.4%Rule one: A yellow twist-tie means it's not down
106. Lesson 106The Crossing Guard ClauseAVGO -3.8%Rule one: A stock moves when a crossing guard waves
107. Lesson 107The Tissue Box TheoremAVGO -3.2%Rule one: A tissue box is never empty till you say
108. Lesson 108The Paper Jam PrincipleAVGO -3.2%Rule one: A jammed printer means a jammed market
109. Lesson 109Mailbox Flag MethodAVGO -3.1%Rule one: Flag up means the market wants mail

• 

  Professor Kenji Moonfield

  Dean of Bagholder University

  Covers the internet, apps, influencers and whatever is trending, from what is clearly his gaming chair. Unbothered to a clinical degree, extremely online, measures everything in followers ("the house is worth like four influencers, bro") and treats every viral video as breaking news.

• 

  Vera Bullock

  Student, Co-Anchor

  Former pageant runner-up turned relentless optimist. Every disaster is "a growth opportunity," every scandal "a chance to heal," every bad review "a misunderstanding." Has a life coach, a vision board and a podcast nobody listens to. Treats Dale as a personal nemesis and reminds Hank, constantly, that he once cried at a Pixar trailer on air.

• 

  Chip Darnell

  Student, U.S. News Anchor

  U.S. news anchor with golden-retriever energy and a deep spiritual connection to strip malls, county fairs and drive-throughs. Reports everything, good or bad, with the enthusiasm of a man announcing a free buffet. Thinks every state is his favorite state.

• 

  Rex "Two-Point" Gridley

  Student, Sports Anchor

  Sports anchor and former third-string kicker who spent four seasons on an NFL bench without ever getting in a game, and still talks about it. Covers every sport like a soap opera: a trade is "a betrayal", a losing streak is "a family in crisis", a blowout is "a war crime against the scoreboard". Shouts, high-fives the air, and has a grudge against every mascot.

• 

  Brock Thunderson

  Student, Chief Meteorologist

  Storm-chasing weatherman from Yorkshire who treats light drizzle like the apocalypse and a sunny day like a personal betrayal. Owns eleven windbreakers, names every cloud, and is convinced the jet stream is following him. Ties every forecast to his own love life with zero evidence.